Oct 9, 2003
damn, i'm so tired right now. i would go to sleep but i'm waiting for dinner and plus i have to talk to lance about what (if anything) is going on tommrow. i really want to go up to burlington so hopefully that will work out. i was susposed to be there tonight but noooo that didn't happen. anyways if we go up tommrow it will most likly be me, lance and emma and hopefully goat and then were going to try and hook up with josh and jeremey and lucas and i think emma is going to see if andrew wants to come but i'm not enterirly sure of that and of course brad but that's kind of a given since we ask him to hang out every time were in burlington hehe. i should work on my mid-term tonight but i don't know honsetly i don't feel up to it. i'm a little nervous tonight because of something emma said to someone (and im sure this makes complete sense lol but i dont know who if anyone actully reads this) but yeah none the less i'm kind of un-sure of what to say. i was listening to jackson browne today and now that somebody's baby song reminds me of 3 completly different things anyways i was thinking of sending the lyrics to a friend of mine cause they tend to fit his life and such. anyways i'm going to stop going on about nothing now and try and stay awake a little longer so i'm off. peace.
Posted at 07:30 pm by xbrokendreamsx
i've been up and i've been down
i lost my way
nothing seems right toda
nothing will go my way
i pick myself up off the ground
i find my wa
somehow i find my way
Posted at 01:47 pm by xbrokendreamsx
well lets see what am i up to this morning...oh wait the same thing i do every morning waste time doing nothing. i did find some dill humus in the fridge witch i assume belongs to my mom but i'm eating it anyways cause i'm addicted to this stuff. next time i go to muddy waters im paying the 5$ to get a humus plate..so so good. damn it why must everyone work in the mornings? at least if people didn't work i'd have someone to talk to but oh well i guess. my phones aren't working so that kind of sucks but i guess it's not too big of a deal since i do have my cell phone and everyone always complains that i'm never around to get my home phone so it's not really important to me, can't say for everyone else though. im going to some haunted house thing that i went to a few years back on the 25th i was just thinking about that and i think last time i got home at like 11 or 12 and thought we had been out sooo late and now im just like what the hell that's early...but anyways enough of my going on about nothing i'm off. peace.
Posted at 11:28 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 8, 2003
well it's 11:18 right now and i'm still tired as hell but i'm avoiding sleep..why? well your guess is as good as mine. anyways once again when i will ramble on about insiginficant crap in this and kill some time before i convince myself i need to sleep or i'm going to be dead tired in class tommrow night. not like that class is any work and i'm not getting a grade for it so why bother right? i wouldn't go if emma didn't want me to go with her just cause it's a repeate of human services and honsetly i know most of the stuff we cover cause it's basic devlopment stuff and it's like i spent 2 damn years on observation and basic devolpment. my mom gave me this college text book thingy on litarture that i'm interested to look at when i'm more awake, i'm hoping for some good poetry who knows tho. i've got to find a way up to burlington this weekend..theres shows friday, saturday and sunday that i want to go to but i need a ride there and back but maybe i'll be able to do it. haha well rancid really loud is waking me up a bit if i must say. i love this song she's automatic it's great...a love song by rancid haha. oooh i just found out that thursday was playing with thrice and the deftones...i'm so fucking happy about this i love thursday almost as much as i love thrice..i may not stick around for the deftones tho...needless to say their not my favorite band but it depends on whatever everyone else wants to do. i'm looking forward to the show in rutvegas for halloween i love the rutvegas shows for some reason. and chainsaws and children..that's going to be so so good. no one is online..it seems no one has been online a lot lately whitch sucks cause it leaves me with no one to talk to at 1am anymore but oh well. i need to save up for a computer tho i really need one for when i move out i'm addicted to AIM. man i can barly keep my eyes open right now and there doing the twitchy thing. i probally look like hell too since i haven't really slept much. it's not that i don't want to sleep it's just that i find it hard to fall asleep and stay that way..i can of course at 2am. i want to watch my crow dvd again but my bro is for some reason in the living room so i can't do that grrrr. i have two days off on the 23rd and 24th! i think i'm susposed to go to a teaching conference one of those days and knowing me i'll go..hell i need the money but i'll be free afterwards so lets hope i can make it up to burlington. i really need a car tho cause i'd like to go up by myself at some point and just hang around there doing what i want to and such. not that i mind emma and brian going with me at all it's just i guess i need some time to be alone and i want to hang out on the waterfront i imagine theres not going to be too many nights for that anymore so i'd like to take some pictures of it and such. ok i'm just wasting time right now so its time i do something else. peace.
Posted at 11:24 pm by xbrokendreamsx
aren't these happy pictures? hahaha
Posted at 09:49 pm by xbrokendreamsx
im breathing in your skin tonight, quiet is my loudest cry, wouldnt want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside. and if its healthier to let you be, may a sickness come and set me free, kill me while i still beleive that you were meant for me.
-"rough draft" by "yellow card"
so that's fine, yeah come by we'll take the afternoon off
we can kiss and undress or if you want just talk
cause i've got nothing real, just empty space to fill
and you're my girl i like your style just imagine all the time we could kill
bright eyes-loose leaves
"Another day passes by. Another attempt at love. Remains unrequited.
Why do I even bother? I should have learned from the past. I am but a statue.
Impervious to love. This punctured heart is mine. Becomes a handful of dust. Dust.
Hope has now wilted away. Wilted. Along with these dreams. That became emptiness.
A final exit becomes clear. I am self destructive. A product of this solitude.
I am riddled with shards. One simple wish now dies. Was my request so great?"
Grain of Salt - Poison The Well
"bleed one more time for me.
cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
and this world is filled with loneliness.
bleed one more time for me.
cause the struggles of this world are blistering."
.dead poetic.
My city's still breathing (but barely it's true) through buildings gone missing like teeth. The sidewalks are watching me think about you, all sparkled with broken glass. I'm back with scars to show. Back with the streets I know. They never take me anywhere but here. Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand, these strangers whose faces I know. We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way" and wait for the year to drown. Spring forward, fall back down. I'm trying not to wonder where you are. All this time lingers, undefined. Someone choose who's left and who's leaving. Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me: some matches, a blanket, this pain in my chest, the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires, new words for old desires, and every birthday card I threw away. I wait in 4/4 time. Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.
i'm feeling so alone today. alone and numb.
i'll ice my thoughts. i'll ice my mind for now.
it's not your fault. you did what you could do.
for this i will love you for always.
you hold my heart and my tiny hand. thank you for all these things - Benton Falls
Posted at 08:09 pm by xbrokendreamsx
another night in burlington
10:00 is still way too early for me to wake up...i went to burlington last night with emma and brian so that was cool. we wondered around the u mall for a while and went to spencers and tried on pimp hates witch was quite amusing. we hanged around church street for a bit but no one was out and we were all getting bored and tired around 11:30 so we went to denny's early and ended up meeting up with brad and his friends whitch was cool. brad got a stuffed turkey haha that was great. anyways i had a good time and his friends seemed pretty cool so all in all it was a good night. i forgot about the chainsaws and children show on the 24th until brad brought it up...i would have remembered it eventully but it's good that he said something because now i have to check for rides and such but i'm going there's no question about that. ok well i'm tired as hell and cold so i'm off. peace.
Posted at 10:20 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 7, 2003
Get me far away or at least as far as this car will take Dont hold this against me Ive already said Im sorry
ive been thinking id like to see your eyes open real wide the min you see me but if you dont come thru i wouldnt wait for you i understand that every1 goes disapearing into that greater grey that covers over everyday and hovers in the distance ive been up all night i might sleep all day get your dreams just right then let em slip away
Tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide through kisses laced with cyanide...
So stop me now
Stop my thoughts cause you're killin me
But you don't know
Even though we've grown apart
I'll still be there for you
Cause I don't wanna be just a memory to you
-aim profile...don't want to forget this but want to change my profile...hence it ended up herePosted at 12:16 am by xbrokendreamsx
finally i'm done with all my homework, it seems redundent though, the minute i finsih all my assinments for the week it's time to go back to class and get a whole new list of things that i will have to do. I found out that UVM you need 30 credits to be considered a transfer student so well fuck that i'm not going to have 30 credits at the end of this year and there's no way i'm staying in middlebury another year. so it looks like it's champlain or ccv in burlington because wiether i get into school there or not i'm living in burlington next year. I'm up waiting for brian to come now, i'm not really sure when he's going to get here since i'm not sure what time he got out of work but it's midnight right now so i'm hoping it's soon. No one is online witch is strange but oh well guess i'll talk to everyone tommrow, i may be up in burlington..ah damn it i meant to tell mike that too and of course i don't have his number damn well there's this weeked i suspose. if brad comes online i'll talk ask him about hanging out i just don't want to feel like he has to all the time..i don't want to make it seem like he needs to hang out with me and whoever everyime we were in burlington not that i'm complaining that's defently the last thing on my mind, i love having him around i just don't want him to feel like he has to or anything like that. well i'm off i suspose nothing too interesting happened today so nothing to say. peace. 
Posted at 12:01 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 6, 2003
12:57 am:
watching the clock
as the minutes turn to hours as they fade away
sitting alone it's almost one
and you're not here.
so fake a smile so i can sleep tonight
say the words that make you sleep tonight
pretend this silence wasn't anything
and hide the tears with black
as my heart beats faster with each word
but you dont care
and i dont think i will tonight
wordless i saw you fade into the past
a memory of feelings that didn't last
those words dont come so eaisly today
you take my hand
im screaming to let go not tonight
this isnt loud enough for you to hear
but it was never loud enough
laughing you hold onto my eyes
why can't i look away
just tonight tonight let me sleep
you mean nothing
so much for lies
Posted at 01:12 am by xbrokendreamsx
