Oct 6, 2003
so kiss me hard cause this will be the last time that i let you...
well it's midnight and i'm still up...probally will be for a while longer actully. i should be doing homework or something but i'm not feeling up to it. I saw Joe today, that was...well akward. i haven't talked to him in a while and he was just like so who's the guy you've been with latley? and i'm just like uh i hang around with a lot of guys who do you mean? and he was like well you don't tend to hold hands with just friends so that one and i'm just like uhh...how long ago was this? it must have been a long time ago but who knows i just shurgged and changed the subject. haha i'm good at that i suspose. he makes me uncomfertable a lot, like he was telling me how him and his friends had gotten in fights and kept refering to violence and beating people up and i'm not really into that whole macho guy stuff. i mean i think it's cool when a guy will stand up for his friends and will get involved when he has to but not enjoy doing it or go around looking for kids to fight. Also he was telling me how he went out to dinner with his friends last night and they wouldn't let him drink cause he was driving and he was all pissed off about that and that makes me kind of nervous to go anywheres alone with him. it was just so weird cause we haven't talked in such a long time and he just acted like it was all good and nothing had happened. ah he confuses me. oh well tho i'm not going to waste my time worrying about it, if he wants to be friends again sure whatever i beleive in second chances so why not? but i can guarntee i'm not hanging out with him alone for a while. that's the whole trust issue with me if i don't trust someone i won't hang out with them by myself. Corey broke up with emma...neither one of us saw that one coming i still maintain she should go out with this kid matt that we met but i'm not going to push it or anything i mean i think it would be cool but i don't know if that's what she needs right now or what she wants but she does like him i'm just not sure how serious she is about it and such. I guess i'm hanging out with lance this weekend all i can say is were going to burlington and i need to find some other people to hang out with up there. but at least i'll be in burlington, maybe brad will want to hang out again or mike and hopefully i can convince emma to come to that way she can get her mind off of corey hell i know what shes going thru tho (im not going to get into detals cause its not my place to say them) but i can say i know the feeling. hmm...i don't know how much longer i'm going to stay on i'm not feeling too much like just doing nothing so maybe i'll go to sleep even though i'm not really tired...oh well guess there's always tony hawk 3. well i've got some lyrics to add to my AIM thing so i'm off. peace. 
Posted at 12:09 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 5, 2003
i'm so tired right now, i didn't get home until 5 last night from burlington but it was great. i hanged out with emma and then brad when he got out of work and we met matt, who is this insanly cool squatter kid reminded me of herion bob from SLC punk. very nice kid, a bit drunk but nice none the less and he was like (to emma) do you have a date for tonight? and emma was just like no and he's like well i'll be your date and then we can be on a double date but what do people actully do on dates cause i don't really go on them that much. hahahahaha i guess it was more funny in person but he was a nice kid anyways. and of course hanging out with brad is always good, i put my head on his shoulder for a while at denny's witch was cool cause he is comfertable haha :) he reminds me so much of greg...just the way he looks and talks and such i must say it does make me a bit nervous around him not the bad kind of nervous just the kind where i can never think of anything to say. we also met andy from albany who was incredibly drunk and making an ass out of himself but it was funny and then this other kid that emma met who was really drunk and was hitting on her she didn't really like that too much and then some other guy who was obviously a lot older then her was hitting on her too, it seems we were attracting the drunk crowd haha. then we went to denny's because denny's kicks ass. anyways great night, now i actully have to do work tonight and such and i'm not looking forward to that one. i talked to jeremey today witch was good to hear from him because i haven't heard from him a in couple of days and i need to talk to mike now actully because my AIM messed up the last night i was here and i didn't get to go back on to finish talking to him so i have to explain why that happened so he doesn't think i'm mad at him. fuck i'm so tired right now its insane it was great though, i would have defenently stayed out later if anyone else had wanted to despite being tired and just kind of chilling in denny's i was having a good time. anyways i'm off to the park for a while. peace.
Posted at 12:57 pm by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 3, 2003
maybe it's the lack of people i've actully talked to today but i don't know, all of a sudden i just kind of feel down and i don't really know why. i guess i'm just lonly or something like that. i hate this, i wish someone would come online other then brian not that brian isn't good to talk to it's just i'd like to talk to some other people as well. maybe i'm just tired or something but i hope this feeling is gone before tommrow i don't like it. goat's back from college and were probally going to hang out some day after work. it looks like i'll be up in burlington on wednesday so that would be good i'd like to see some people around that aera. i imagine it's going to be quite a long night unfourntly, lets hope something gets me out of this mood relitivly soon.
Posted at 11:55 pm by xbrokendreamsx
well i'm home, not in burlington grrrr oh well next week and the weekend after but i've got to get all the deatals of that worked out. i finally downloaded "promise" by matchbook romance (if anyone was wondering it was the song i quoted before) it's really amazing, the lyrics got to me and i loved it and the music now just makes it even better. it doesn't help this whole nostalgia feeling of mine but yet i have to admit i can relate to that stars verse exactly. and i'm sure the person it was meant for will too but he'll never know/read this. oh well i suppose. damn i really wanted to be in burlington tonight i wanted to hang out with some people instead of sitting here being bored and having my brother and his friends get stoned and act stupid so if anyone reads this and has a car come pick me up or something i don't care what we do (for the most part) i just want to get out of here. i've got this one thought on my mind of apologizing i never say what i'm thinking and for being so queit but it's complacated why and honsetly i don't want to get into it and it was a little while ago anyways. i'm listening to the lost prophets right now i'm really liking this one song called the fake sound of progrsess...pretty good and such thanks to jeremey for reminding me of them. oooh mike sent me a really cool lyric to a poison the well song if i get around to it i'll put it in here it was cool. i feel asleep this afternoon witch surprised me cause i never fall asleep in the afternoon....anyways i don't feel much like writing so i'm going to go kill time on other sites. peace.
Posted at 07:45 pm by xbrokendreamsx
i have found something new to enterain me...
Posted at 04:41 pm by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 2, 2003
third season song that really has no relivance to my life at the moment but i can relate hence past experiences and such but felt like putting it in anyways.
did you think that i would just disaper
did you think my life would end
now that your not here
every night before i go to sleep
i think of how things used to be
before i kissed you and you said
it was too soon to be with me
and i know that you dont give a shit
you dont make an effort to talk to me
is there something i dont get
every time that i look at your profile
i see your quotes and inside jokes and smiles
and remeber a time when they were all for me
i never wanted to scare you away
i guess i didnt know what to say
i held your hand when you said
you would need some time to get used to me
and it seems like only yesterday
when i walked up your driveway for the first time
you held your hand out and smilied
and said my name is...
do you think that i would be more cool
if i was a lead singer or if i got a few tattoos
maybe i was just not old enough
should i start working out and actreal tough
i guess i should have waited when you said we shouldnt rushed
i can ruin relationships on my own
so can you
guess we should have known
turn off the light it's 4:00 and i feel like going home
did you think that i
would just disapear?
Posted at 11:55 pm by xbrokendreamsx
hahahaha gotta love nothingnice.com...this isn't recent and there are probally funnier ones but this one reminded me of a friend of mine lol
Posted at 12:54 am by xbrokendreamsx
every rose has it's thorn
well another night spent online doing nothing even though i have an insane amount of homework this week. i'm tired too but not tired enough to sleep. also i'm finding that i have a hard time sleeping if i don't have some background noise and given neither my stereo or my tv is in good working condition now having background noise makes it very hard to fall asleep. i may sleep on the couch but that means an early morning so i don't know. i think i may skip class tommrow night, i don't really want to go and it would be a good way to start off the weekend since i have a day off on friday. i really need to get some homework done as well. i'm feeling a bit nostalgic tonight but it's probally because i've been listening to poison and a long december by the counting crows and these bands/songs tend to do that to me. sometimes i want to let go of everything but yet as poison says in i won't forget you "that just wouldn't be me"...i don't really feel like getting into anything too deep right now or really what i'm thinking ah some nights this just doesn't seem worth it. i'm really hoping i can go up to burlington tonight or do something on the weeked but who knows...but i should be happy i'm going to burlington next week as long as brian comes down and we stay there until late, living there next year will be very very good. well i guess i don't have much to say i think i'm going to go watch the crow for a while. peace.
Posted at 12:49 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 1, 2003
poison: the greatest band in the world..
Posted at 08:24 pm by xbrokendreamsx
well i've moved on from listening to dashboard to listening to poison all the time, witch is normally not bad because they have a mix of songs not just foucsing on one emotion but oh no i have to listen to best of ballads and blues and most of those are love songs and i can't help being nostalgic when i hear every rose has it's thorn...and regret ever making someone feel that way, hell it's been almost 4 years now and i still feel like crap because of it. i think i may call him and say im sorry but i wouldn't know where to go from there. I'm hopefully going to burlington on friday and that will get my mind off of things for the most part, if not i'm going up sometime next week. i've been writing a lot lately and i'm hesitant as always to put my work in my journal since i've got some trust issues around it but i may put this one in. people need to make hoods that fit around headphones i'm so cold right now and i'm relying on the comfort of my hatebreed hoodie to keep me warm needless to say it isn't working.
sleepless, the night steals away the sun
as shadows arise from sidewalk cracks
and lights fade from closed windows
but not from yours
bitter winds of fall a warning of winter
they whisper your name
watching these stars slowly fade away
falling alone falling for the memory of words not spoken
this wind is getting colder every night
and i'm still waiting
waiting for the warmth to come
your touch never seemed so far away
these autum nights have gotten the best of me
i'm not sure how much i really like this...but it's got some meaning behind it of course i don't want to explain exactly what but it relates to what i was talking about before...well needless to say "i won't forget you" could play into this
Posted at 07:53 pm by xbrokendreamsx
