Sep 30, 2003
crave your heart out yourself
well being the smart person that i am i left AIM on all day, apprently it didn't close when i went to work today and it's said i've been on for 9 hours and i've been gone since noon and it's 9:20 or so right now...ah fuck my apologies to anyone that tried to IM me and i didn't IM back. I found my dashboard confessional cd witch makes me very happy but doesn't help the fact of me listening to too much emo...haha. i went off on emma today not in a bad way just about relationships and stuff and i'm just like damn it i'm going with kris on this one "i guess i'm giving up on love cause it really kind of sucks" haha i don't know if i really beleive that but at the time it made me laugh and i don't know it was good to just get out everything that i had been feeling the last couple of days and she knows where i'm coming from so thats always good to hear. i hope everything goes good with her and corey tonight she was nervous as hell about it and i said if things didn't we could just chill and watch the crow and listen to dashboard and bitch about love ahahahaha. I'm talking to Mike now, good to hear from him. i like that kid haha even if he is into things that i'm kind of against (drugs and such) but hey he's a nice kid and that's all that matters. fuck i had something to say and now i got distracted in the dashboard lyrics and i can't think of what it was now. i may be going up with burlington to hang out with emma and her friends and that would be cool and maybe see if some kids i know would like to join us. i don't have to work or go to class friday! i'm so damn happy about this...really i mean it's great i don't know what i'll do with myself lol. ok i can't fucking concintrate on writing because i haven't listened to this cd in so long it's distracting me so i'm off i'll probally up-date more later knowing me. peace.
Posted at 09:24 pm by xbrokendreamsx
theres so much on my mind its tearing me apart
ok so i'm feeling a little better now...actully a lot better but that's alright. i kind of forgot about feeling bad really just cause people were making me laugh and i wasn't listening to so much emo...ah i want to say everything that's on my mind and i can't because i'm too scared to do that and i lost my chance tonight for reasons i don't want to get into ok fuck this i'm not going to think anymore tonight i am going to the park because i can't sleep. peace.
Posted at 12:39 am by xbrokendreamsx
Sep 29, 2003
i guess i'm giving up on love cause it really kind of sucks
damn i'm in such a crappy emo mood tonight fuck this i hate it it sucks blah blah blah. maybe i should turn off the poison you would think that would be the best idea but oh no i can't do that that would be too easy. hey i'm eating at least didn't feel like doing that before. damn it i want it to be last night at higher ground i was having such a good time there but then afterwards it kind of went downhill and i'm not going to even get into why. i'm tempted to call greg really really tempted and i think i will tommrow before class. as he said to me when i was talking about not knowing whither or not i should call someone "the worst they can do is hang up on you" even though that would hurt like hell if he ever did that but i guess i can't blame him. i don't even know what i'm going to say to him probally nothing of importance but it will feel good to hear his voice again. i got an email from this kid..jeremey to be exact that i met from punk connect and that was nice i don't know it made me smile witch i kind of needed. and of course brian is there to help as well but he's always there. he's going to come down next week and hang out so that will be cool i think i'll go into burlington again...oh wow i haven't talked to mike in a while i just thought about that hopefully he'll be online tonight i'd like to see what he's up to. damn it i hate emo and i hate feeling like this...you know what i think i'm going to go with kris's attitude on love on the fact that it really kind of sucks. well im tired of feeling like crap so im going to stop writing since this isn't doing much good and i'm going to listen to this one particular song really really loud until i don't feel like such an emo kid anymore.
Posted at 11:24 pm by xbrokendreamsx
Sep 26, 2003
ah man it's almost 2am and guess what im still up but it was worth it...
i'm in the middle of feelings that i can't explain and these words seem to never come out the way they sound in my head one moment im right the next im wrong whats to say except i cant stop feeling this way and these lights shine only for you and burn out for the thoughts before but i cant seem to fix things in my mind im never going to try
hmm...i don't know what this means yet just something that kind of came out that way but it's good it doesn't sound it but it is trust me i'm not up for explaining it tonight. man i'm sleepy i think its time for bed now. peace.
Posted at 01:28 am by xbrokendreamsx
Sep 25, 2003
im cold, sick and just gernally not feeling good. blah i hate this i feel like crap and i can't call into work tommrow we only have 3 people to watch 40 kids and i can't leave them to do it all but i feel really bad because i'm going to get all the kids sick as well as the people i work with and it's not fair to the kids because i'm going to be really tired and everything inless i feel better by tommrow witch im really hoping i will. i should be sleeping right now but i'm going to stay up a while longer to talk to some peoples on AIM before i go to bed. my dad says i have to go out for dinner with him saturday night so if anyone is reading this give me something to do please! i don't want to go out for dinner but if i'm not doing anything i have no legitiment excuse for not going. and you would think im sick would be ok but no he'd just be like oh well. i just hope i feel better for the rebels show of course im not going to miss that i mean its the rebels hell im the kid that drove 6 hours to see them and moshed and sang along to every song even after getting kicked in the head and feeling all dizzy...i'm a very devoted rebels fan haha. im listening to my new thrice cd's right now i'm liking them a lot and the flogging molly one is good as well. i get some money tommrow so that's good and then i get paid on the first and then i have friday off! that's going to be so good i haven't taken a day off since work started so it will be good to have a day with no class and no work. me and emma were looking for apartments this afternoon we found some decent ones so were in the process of calling and looking at them. im only going if i have a computer tho enough said :) i supose i could call everyone but long distance/extra minutes can be expensive and the computers easier to talk on i think although i do prefer to talk in person even though i don't always know what to say. well im just going on about nothing so i'll stop now. peace.
maybe my friend and your friend will hit it off...or maybe we will
Posted at 10:19 pm by xbrokendreamsx
downtown burlington at 1am is great...
ok so i apologize in advance if this makes absolutly no sense. see when you only get a few hours of sleep that tends to happen. me and brian and emma ended up getting back into middlebury at 3am this morning and then me and brian didn't go to bed till 4 or 5 cause he was sick and i couldn't sleep. downtown was fun though, saw mike for a little while so that was cool then we wondered around and went to some really good pizza place and then we were at borders just being crazy cause we were really hyper. it was around 10:30 then so i called brad and he came and hanged out with us witch was pretty cool...he's got the same sense of humor as we all do so i felt really comfertable around him witch doesn't happen very much around new people. anyways we hanged out on church street for a while i was really cold for some reason it's odd because i'm normally never cold but anyways we just wondered and hanged out there and yelled stuff at people going by for a few hours witch didn't seem like a few hours at all because time went really fast. then we went to denny's witch is always good i didn't eat much because i was still full from the pizza but i thought i was hungry and then realized i wasn't but anyways it will be ate in a few minutes. brad payed for everything witch was really nice of him :D anyways it was a pretty good night and i got a hug from brad and he didn't look at me weird or anything when i hugged him like everyone else does so yeah that was cool. i hanged out at jon's house the day before and that was cool as well...the cd he made me hasn't left my cd player :) but anyways i need to go get breakfast. peace.
*oh side note i may be moving out and getting an apartment with emma and brian....talk more about that later
Posted at 10:36 am by xbrokendreamsx
Sep 21, 2003
Your Heart is Grey
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla 
What Sort of Romantic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which ORGY member are you?
And All that could have been- Ouch. Poor thing.
Your hearts been broken, hasn't it? No need to
get overly dramatic though. There will be
others.
What Nine Inch Nails song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla wow im starting not to like these quizzes anymore...
you are THE GRUDGE. you've been hurt in all the
darkest ways and you haven't been able to find
a way to forgive. despite that, you
want
to forgive, but it's so hard to do. someday
things will become clear again and you'll let
go
what TOOL song are you
brought to you by Quizilla ok what the hell...im really hoping im going to get an answer that isn't about how i've been screwed over not like these matter though well im giving up on this for the night
Posted at 10:57 pm by xbrokendreamsx
man i'm so tired right now, i feel asleep on the couch earlier but then i got up to talk online for a bit but now im really tired im going to stay up a little whiles longer tho. i was talking to brad and he like cannibal corpse and morbid angel like me witch is pretty cool it's not often that i meet people who like are into them. i'm listening to dashboard right now haha kind of a completly different style but that's alright i like all music...well mostly all music. i've got class tommrow night but it's the easy one so i should be fine i have to remember to bring a pic of me when i was little in i think i'll just bring in my memior or my scrapbook and just show that because that's where all the little kid pics of me are in. i've got my headphones on now so if anyone trys to call the cell i may not answer it. my legs hurt from all the walking i've done today i went to the park a few times, the cow store, and the gorge so i've been wondering a lot. but i did write a new song that i didn't completly hate i don't know it just felt good to be writing again i had stopped for a little while for no particualar reason but its defently good to be back in the habbit of doing that every day. people are online right now but no one's talking, actully it's only jessica and lance who are really on. other people have away messages but oh well it's cool either way. i'm barly awake right now anyways. i'm going to burlington and to dennys on wednesday :) yes i've mentioned this a lot but i can't wait it's going to be great. ok well that's it i supose i may put quizzes in later.
i won't be so hard on myself today
started to take myself too seriously
it shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly
it shouldn't be so hard just to keep it together
it shouldn't be so hard to say the right things to you
it shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly...
it shouldn't be so hard to be inspired
it shoudn't be so hard just to write this song
it shouldn't be so hard to be wrong or to agree
it shoudn't be so hard to change the world
it shouldn't be so hard to change your mind
it shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessy
weightless worries just fall away
wasted pools of energy
i want to breathe effortlessly
Posted at 10:29 pm by xbrokendreamsx
soon to be emo-core song and such...
Don't say anything tonight
I'd rather play out these converstations in my head
and block all your favorite lines from my ears
let's turn out this light and say goodnight
before this turns into something more
something more then it ever will become
your eyes are glazed over hiding the truth
mine are filling with tears as i play dumb
did you really think i'd beleive all those clever lines?
i'm not as stupid as you think
it's so fucking obvious when i hear it from my friends
but don't let it get you down
after all you said everything good must end
but let's end it on good terms
yeah good terms real good fucking terms
just close friends you said
close friends that sleep in the same bed
well i hope it was worth it
years of friendship months of lies
well i hope you regret every minute
and i hope you can never get these words out of your head
i'll never waste so much time on you again
that's it for right now i kind of like it kind of not i'm still in the editing process as well..but anyways that's all for now im going back to the park. peace.
Posted at 01:23 pm by xbrokendreamsx
i should really not be up this early...i actully got up at 8:00 the morning and went to listen to my new cds and my brother took my headphones and switched them with his because his aren't working...that pissed me off because he never leaves my stuff alone it's the same thing where my lava lamp just disapeared when he was the only one home and he somehow gets money for drugs and cigarettes so if you put the two together it makes sense. rasin bran is such a rip off i felt like rasins this morning but we don't have any so i found some rasin bran and figured i'd just do what i normally do and steal all the rasins but there really wasn't that much to steal oh well i supose i can find other food. i kind of broke the freezer and people weren't too happy about it but it wasn't completly my fault i just put stuff in there and i thought it was shut but i guess it wasn't and everything melted and then my mom was trying to say that i avoided telling her about it and i'm just like uh no i just forgot. i don't care if i told her or not i mean it was my mistake so i'll own up to it i would think she would know that about me by now but i guess not. me and emma are susposed to hang out today but i'm not doing anything until i'm a little more awake and i've got to check on my homework and make sure that i have all of it done for monday. i need to go into mary hogan and ask them for their phiolosphy and such for tuesdays class. this week will be good tho, wednesday im going to burlington to get new headphones and thrice cds and to hang out with my friends and of course go to denny's. then sunday is the rebels show and i can't wait for that it's been way too long since i've seen them. grrrr my mom is yelling for me to turn the music down it's not even loud and i mean it shouldn't be loud to her and fuck it's system of a down you can't play them quiet inless it's after the first cd then play them as quiet as you want. i don't know i love this first cd but the others just aren't really that great i think their politics are cool but other then that i don't like much about them. anyways i'm just going on about nothing now so i'm going to go and find some internet quizzes to take cause i'm bored. peace.
Posted at 10:11 am by xbrokendreamsx
