Oct 14, 2003
Oct 12, 2003
i'm not really having that great of a night, and i'm mad at myself because i counted on some of my friends to at least cheer me up a little but once again i gave people more credit then i probally should of. just like with the whole trusting people thing i'm really thinking it would be easier to never trust anyone with my feelings again because in some way or another i end up getting hurt, this proven on saturday. i'm really sick of my friends doing things like this...and it's not all of them, but the ones that seem to mean the most seem to be the ones i can't count on but like i said i guess i should just stop trusting people with my feelings and put it all into my lyrics instead of telling people how i feel. i've got to say though lance has been really supporitve the last couple of days well saturday and tonight. and that is making me feel a little better right now. but anyways that's it for right now i'm hoping i don't feel like this in a little while. Posted at 11:06 pm by xbrokendreamsx
say hello on a night like this if it's the last thing you ever do
well after much difficulty my journal thingy is finally back!..took me a damn long time to get it back but oh well. i think i'm getting sick...grrr i really don't want to get sick but i'm not feeling that great right now, oh well maybe i just need to sleep more or something. friday night i was in burlington from 6:00-4am hanging out with friends. we were in the university mall for a while cause i wanted taco bell and thought i'd stop in to spencers and say hi to brad...plus emma wanted some "alone" time with andrew who never actully showed up cause he got the dates confused or something like that. then we hanged out on church street and at the corner of manhattan's with a lot of emma's friends that i didn't really know. they were very crazy kids but they were nice, i didn't really know what to do since i'm really not comfertable around so many kids i didn't know...serously there was like 15 of them so i kind of just watched everyone, but i did talk to lucas (emma's ex) for a little while about judas preist so that was cool. the next night...eh i'm not going to go into great detal on saturday night..needless to say it wasn't good but dennys did cheer me up a bit. and i told brian i'd call him last night twice and forgot witch i felt really bad for doing but the second time i just didn't feel like talking and wouldn't have been much fun to talk to anyways so i didnt call but i did try and call him today even though he wasnt home. i've still got some homework to do...grrrr i guess i should start that. peace.
Posted at 08:17 pm by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 9, 2003
damn, i'm so tired right now. i would go to sleep but i'm waiting for dinner and plus i have to talk to lance about what (if anything) is going on tommrow. i really want to go up to burlington so hopefully that will work out. i was susposed to be there tonight but noooo that didn't happen. anyways if we go up tommrow it will most likly be me, lance and emma and hopefully goat and then were going to try and hook up with josh and jeremey and lucas and i think emma is going to see if andrew wants to come but i'm not enterirly sure of that and of course brad but that's kind of a given since we ask him to hang out every time were in burlington hehe. i should work on my mid-term tonight but i don't know honsetly i don't feel up to it. i'm a little nervous tonight because of something emma said to someone (and im sure this makes complete sense lol but i dont know who if anyone actully reads this) but yeah none the less i'm kind of un-sure of what to say. i was listening to jackson browne today and now that somebody's baby song reminds me of 3 completly different things anyways i was thinking of sending the lyrics to a friend of mine cause they tend to fit his life and such. anyways i'm going to stop going on about nothing now and try and stay awake a little longer so i'm off. peace.
Posted at 07:30 pm by xbrokendreamsx
i've been up and i've been down
i lost my way
nothing seems right toda
nothing will go my way
i pick myself up off the ground
i find my wa
somehow i find my way
Posted at 01:47 pm by xbrokendreamsx
well lets see what am i up to this morning...oh wait the same thing i do every morning waste time doing nothing. i did find some dill humus in the fridge witch i assume belongs to my mom but i'm eating it anyways cause i'm addicted to this stuff. next time i go to muddy waters im paying the 5$ to get a humus plate..so so good. damn it why must everyone work in the mornings? at least if people didn't work i'd have someone to talk to but oh well i guess. my phones aren't working so that kind of sucks but i guess it's not too big of a deal since i do have my cell phone and everyone always complains that i'm never around to get my home phone so it's not really important to me, can't say for everyone else though. im going to some haunted house thing that i went to a few years back on the 25th i was just thinking about that and i think last time i got home at like 11 or 12 and thought we had been out sooo late and now im just like what the hell that's early...but anyways enough of my going on about nothing i'm off. peace.
Posted at 11:28 am by xbrokendreamsx
Oct 8, 2003
well it's 11:18 right now and i'm still tired as hell but i'm avoiding sleep..why? well your guess is as good as mine. anyways once again when i will ramble on about insiginficant crap in this and kill some time before i convince myself i need to sleep or i'm going to be dead tired in class tommrow night. not like that class is any work and i'm not getting a grade for it so why bother right? i wouldn't go if emma didn't want me to go with her just cause it's a repeate of human services and honsetly i know most of the stuff we cover cause it's basic devlopment stuff and it's like i spent 2 damn years on observation and basic devolpment. my mom gave me this college text book thingy on litarture that i'm interested to look at when i'm more awake, i'm hoping for some good poetry who knows tho. i've got to find a way up to burlington this weekend..theres shows friday, saturday and sunday that i want to go to but i need a ride there and back but maybe i'll be able to do it. haha well rancid really loud is waking me up a bit if i must say. i love this song she's automatic it's great...a love song by rancid haha. oooh i just found out that thursday was playing with thrice and the deftones...i'm so fucking happy about this i love thursday almost as much as i love thrice..i may not stick around for the deftones tho...needless to say their not my favorite band but it depends on whatever everyone else wants to do. i'm looking forward to the show in rutvegas for halloween i love the rutvegas shows for some reason. and chainsaws and children..that's going to be so so good. no one is online..it seems no one has been online a lot lately whitch sucks cause it leaves me with no one to talk to at 1am anymore but oh well. i need to save up for a computer tho i really need one for when i move out i'm addicted to AIM. man i can barly keep my eyes open right now and there doing the twitchy thing. i probally look like hell too since i haven't really slept much. it's not that i don't want to sleep it's just that i find it hard to fall asleep and stay that way..i can of course at 2am. i want to watch my crow dvd again but my bro is for some reason in the living room so i can't do that grrrr. i have two days off on the 23rd and 24th! i think i'm susposed to go to a teaching conference one of those days and knowing me i'll go..hell i need the money but i'll be free afterwards so lets hope i can make it up to burlington. i really need a car tho cause i'd like to go up by myself at some point and just hang around there doing what i want to and such. not that i mind emma and brian going with me at all it's just i guess i need some time to be alone and i want to hang out on the waterfront i imagine theres not going to be too many nights for that anymore so i'd like to take some pictures of it and such. ok i'm just wasting time right now so its time i do something else. peace.
Posted at 11:24 pm by xbrokendreamsx
aren't these happy pictures? hahaha
Posted at 09:49 pm by xbrokendreamsx
im breathing in your skin tonight, quiet is my loudest cry, wouldnt want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside. and if its healthier to let you be, may a sickness come and set me free, kill me while i still beleive that you were meant for me.
-"rough draft" by "yellow card"
so that's fine, yeah come by we'll take the afternoon off
we can kiss and undress or if you want just talk
cause i've got nothing real, just empty space to fill
and you're my girl i like your style just imagine all the time we could kill
bright eyes-loose leaves
"Another day passes by. Another attempt at love. Remains unrequited.
Why do I even bother? I should have learned from the past. I am but a statue.
Impervious to love. This punctured heart is mine. Becomes a handful of dust. Dust.
Hope has now wilted away. Wilted. Along with these dreams. That became emptiness.
A final exit becomes clear. I am self destructive. A product of this solitude.
I am riddled with shards. One simple wish now dies. Was my request so great?"
Grain of Salt - Poison The Well
"bleed one more time for me.
cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
and this world is filled with loneliness.
bleed one more time for me.
cause the struggles of this world are blistering."
.dead poetic.
My city's still breathing (but barely it's true) through buildings gone missing like teeth. The sidewalks are watching me think about you, all sparkled with broken glass. I'm back with scars to show. Back with the streets I know. They never take me anywhere but here. Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand, these strangers whose faces I know. We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way" and wait for the year to drown. Spring forward, fall back down. I'm trying not to wonder where you are. All this time lingers, undefined. Someone choose who's left and who's leaving. Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me: some matches, a blanket, this pain in my chest, the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires, new words for old desires, and every birthday card I threw away. I wait in 4/4 time. Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.
i'm feeling so alone today. alone and numb.
i'll ice my thoughts. i'll ice my mind for now.
it's not your fault. you did what you could do.
for this i will love you for always.
you hold my heart and my tiny hand. thank you for all these things - Benton Falls
Posted at 08:09 pm by xbrokendreamsx
another night in burlington
10:00 is still way too early for me to wake up...i went to burlington last night with emma and brian so that was cool. we wondered around the u mall for a while and went to spencers and tried on pimp hates witch was quite amusing. we hanged around church street for a bit but no one was out and we were all getting bored and tired around 11:30 so we went to denny's early and ended up meeting up with brad and his friends whitch was cool. brad got a stuffed turkey haha that was great. anyways i had a good time and his friends seemed pretty cool so all in all it was a good night. i forgot about the chainsaws and children show on the 24th until brad brought it up...i would have remembered it eventully but it's good that he said something because now i have to check for rides and such but i'm going there's no question about that. ok well i'm tired as hell and cold so i'm off. peace.
Posted at 10:20 am by xbrokendreamsx
